It’s Time To Get Used To Rejection

It is difficult to describe the brand of exhaustion humanity is dealing with today. There is a potent tiredness and a callused malaise permeating the air nearly everywhere we go.

We all know why. At least, to an extent. Humans are social creatures. The only reason we’ve survived as a species is our ability to connect with each other and we are more disconnected than we ever have been. From each other, reality, ourselves. We all know it. We’re drowning.

It’s not the average person’s fault by any means. Most of our problems boil down to a rapidly worsening recession, a pandemic that prevented us from communing with others for years, and—in the case of Americans, specifically—-a culture rooted in individualism. We have created a society for ourselves where compassion and understanding are not only withheld from us, we’re punished for employing them in our day-to-day.

I am not the first to find it, but I believe there is a bandaid.

The title of this post is a bit disingenuous, I will admit. Fear of rejection isn’t necessarily the issue here. Truthfully, I think we —-especially Millennials, Gen Z, and Gen Alpha—have developed a deep rooted fear of sincerity.

Everything must be ironic. Nothing can be cringeworthy. It must be authentic, but not too authentic as to actually have parts of your soul bared.

I despise the current ‘irony epidemic,’ a term coined by musician Ethel Cain when discussing how even devoted fans of her music, which covers heavy topics such as abuse, religion, and cannibalism, were somewhat incapable of discussing its upcoming release without making jokes.

“It's everywhere and it's inescapable. No one can be serious for even two seconds.” Cain said, “Words mean nothing anymore. One can rest on history and say they were a part of it when in fact, they did nothing…No serious interaction with the culture's very real confines and boundaries, just mindless co-opting.”

We have spent the past decade or so forgetting how to connect with people outside of ridicule. We have trained ourselves to see sincerity and passion as weakness. This is not something to be blamed on the ever-changing youth of today. ‘Cringe culture’ has always existed in some form. Ask any adult born before the early aughts and be amazed as they recount their experiences being verbally and physically assaulted for getting good grades and enjoying reading.

While our current culture also prioritizes anti-intellectualism, being '‘cringe’ is always centered around the idea of “doing too much.” Caring too much, looking into things too deeply.

Despite this, young people want to connect with others. One of the few things most kids, teenagers, and young adults nearly universally agree on is that we want more in person interaction.

The Harris Poll conducted a survey with 1,006 adults between the ages of 18-27, collaborating with social psychologist Jonathan Haidt. The results asserted that almost half of them wish that TikTok (47%), Snapchat (43%), and Twitter (50%) were never invented. Over 20% wished the smartphone was never invented. Nearly all have taken steps to limit their social media usage at some point.

While I do think limiting internet usage would by far improve most of our social dynamics, I also feel that it’s not sustainable at this point in time. As much as we would all love to completely unplug, move into the mountains, and never look at a twitter post again, the internet is not only an incredibly convenient tool, but a necessity. Most jobs don’t offer printed applications. Most universities require you to sign up via an online portal. Sweden is set to go completely cashless by the end of 2025.

What I’m suggesting is something that anyone can do starting today. Something that I think would greatly aid us all in removing the lack of confidence and sincerity we have in our social interactions.

Rejection Therapy. A game invented by Jason Comely, who realized he’d been isolating himself after a separation with his wife.

"I had nowhere to go, and no one to hang out with," he said in an interview with NPR. "And so I just broke down and started crying…I thought, I'm afraid of rejection."

He decided he needed to confront his fear head on, and the best way to do it would be to go out with the intent to get rejected once a day.

He went out and asked for all sorts of things from complete strangers. A ride across town—the first thing he asked for—-a breath mint, a lower rate from a credit card provider.

He eventually decided to turn it into a card game, using what he’s actually asked people.

We need to start asking ourselves, what are we actually afraid of? That our earnestness will be somehow misinterpreted? That we’ll be humiliated for daring to be genuine for a second? Is what we’re experiencing anything more than a primal instinct within us that warns of cold nights alone without a pack of other humans to help us ward off predators?

These worries cannot be completely eliminated, but they can be eased. With time, and practice, I aim to get desensitized to my own fears. I want to see them for what they are, mechanisms passed down from generation to generation, family heirlooms built to protect me from harm. I want to go out into the world fully cognizant of the fact that the level of anxiety I feel around rejection isn’t actually protecting me.

I also want to become more aware of the fact that more often than not, the answer will be ‘yes.’

Lately it feels like everyone walks around with a giant chip on their shoulder. It seems to me that a lot of people think of humanity as an inherently selfish species and I don’t subscribe to that. Humans adore helping people. Being kind feels good. Going out of your way for a stranger is irritating some days, sure, but that doesn’t negate how wonderful it feels to go to bed knowing you tried your best to make someone else’s day a bit better.

I believe that rejection therapy is about a lot more than being told ‘no.’ A little vulnerability and a touch more confidence in yourself—-as well as the people around you—-has the potential to completely change your life. It’s time to open ourselves up, take the rejection, and fully realize that the world doesn’t end when you act a bit strange.

I think It’s worth a shot.

Join me?