It’s Time To Get Used To Rejection

I cannot fully remember a time in my life where I wasn’t tired. I cannot name many people in my personal life who feel different.

I know why. At least, in part. Humans are social creatures and we are more disconnected than ever. From each other, reality, ourselves. 

It’s not the average person’s fault by any means. Most of our problems boil down to not having any money, a pandemic that prevented us from communing with others for years, and a culture rooted in individualism. 

I am not the first to find it, but I believe there is a bandaid.

The title of this post is a bit disingenuous, I will admit. Fear of rejection isn’t necessarily the issue here. Truthfully, I think we as a species—-especially Millennials, Gen Z, and Gen Alpha—have developed a deep rooted fear of sincerity.

Everything must be ironic. Nothing can be cringeworthy. It must be authentic but not too authentic as to actually have parts of your soul bared through your art.

I despise the current ‘irony epidemic,’ a term coined by musician Ethel Cain when discussing how even devoted fans of her music, which covers heavy topics such as abuse, religion, and cannibalism, were somewhat incapable of discussing its upcoming release without making jokes.

“It's everywhere and it's inescapable. No one can be serious for even two seconds.” Cain said, “Words mean nothing anymore. One can rest on history and say they were a part of it when in fact, they did nothing…No serious interaction with the culture's very real confines and boundaries, just mindless co-opting.”

My theory is that we have spent the past few years forgetting how to connect with people outside of ridicule. We don’t really know what it is to cry without recording it. We have forgotten what it means to look someone in the eye, and truly, genuinely see them. This is not something to be blamed on the ever-changing youth of today. They want to connect. One of the few things most kids, teenagers, and young adults nearly universally agree on is that we want to connect to people without screens.

The Harris Poll conducted a survey with 1,006 18-27 year olds, collaborating with social psychologist Jonathan Haidt. The results asserted that almost half of them wish that TikTok (47%), Snapchat (43%), and Twitter (50%) were never invented. 21% wished the smartphone was never invented. Nearly all have taken steps to limit their social media usage at some point.

While I do think limiting internet usage would by far improve most of our social dynamics, I also feel that it’s not sustainable at this point in time. As much as we would all love to completely unplug, move into the mountains, and never look at a twitter post again, the internet is not only an incredibly convenient tool, but an outright necessity. Most jobs don’t offer printed applications. Most universities require you to sign up via an online portal. Sweden is set to go completely cashless by the end of 2025.

What I’m suggesting is something that anyone can do, today. Something that I think would greatly aid us all in removing the lack of confidence and sincerity we have in our social interactions.

Rejection Therapy. A game invented by Jason Comely, who realized he’d been isolating himself after a separation with his wife.

"I had nowhere to go, and no one to hang out with," he said in an interview with NPR. "And so I just broke down and started crying…I thought, I'm afraid of rejection."

He decided he needed to confront his fear head on, and the best way to do it would be to go out with the intent to get rejected once a day.

He went out and asked for all sorts of things from complete strangers. A ride across town—the first thing he asked for—-a breath mint, a lower rate from a credit card provider.

He eventually decided to turn it into a card game, using everything he’s actually asked people.

Now, I wouldn’t say rejection is my biggest issue. I grew up with parents that instilled in me from a very young age that everyone in the world, including me, is entitled to say no whenever they want.
What I am afraid of, and what I think the majority of people my age are, is an even mix of disappointment, failure, and being genuine. That’s the beauty of it, rejection therapy can still help.

What are we actually experiencing when we have anxiety around rejection? A fear that our request won’t be accepted? A worry that our earnestness will be somehow misinterpreted? A fear that what we want will be worse than what we expected? A primal instinct within us that warns of cold nights alone without a pack of other humans to help us ward off predators?

These worries cannot be completely eliminated, but they can be eased. With time, and practice, I aim to get desensitized to my own fears. I want to see them for what they are, mechanisms passed down from generation to generation, family heirlooms built to protect me from harm. I want to go out into the world fully cognizant of the fact that the level of anxiety I feel around rejection isn’t actually protecting me.

I also want to become more aware of the fact that more often than not, the answer will be ‘yes.’

Lately it feels like everyone walks around with a giant chip on their shoulder. It seems to me that a lot of people think of humanity as an inherently selfish species and I just don’t agree. Humans adore helping people. Being kind feels good. Going out of your way for a stranger is irritating some days, sure, but that doesn’t negate how wonderful it feels to go to bed knowing you tried your best to make someone else’s day a bit better.

I believe that rejection therapy is about a lot more than being told ‘no.’ A teaspoon of vulnerability and a dash of confidence in yourself, as well as the people around you, has the potential to completely change your life. It’s about opening yourself up, taking the rejection, and realizing the world doesn’t end when you act a bit strange.

I think It’s worth a shot.

Join me?